She Answered a Question I Had Been Afraid to Ask

For a while, I had been questioning why I was still in veterinary medicine.

After 21 years in this field, I secretly wondered if maybe the part of me that initially brought me here was gone.

Did I still love animals the way I used to?

Had the angry clients, the breeders, the heartbreaking cases, and all the difficult parts of veterinary medicine slowly changed that?

I knew I had fallen in love with the people who care for animals. I knew I wanted to make a difference for veterinary teams. That part of my purpose had become very clear to me.

But my original calling was simple.

I loved animals.

And somewhere along the way, I started wondering if that part of me was still there.

Then she came along.

After 21 years in veterinary medicine, I finally decided to give a puppy a chance.

She was in distress. She had pneumonia. There was something about her situation and her story that made me feel like I needed to do something different this time.

So I did.

I brought her home over the holiday weekend so I could continue treating her. I gave medications. I watched her diet. I worried over every little thing. I watched her improve. I watched her play. I ran around with her.

And, of course, my husband and kids fell in love with her too.

But she wasn't just our puppy.

She became a team project.

None of us liked her origin story. None of us wanted that to be the end of her story either. My team became invested in her. Everyone felt compelled to love her, root for her, and give this little puppy a chance.

We all wanted to see her win.

For a few weeks, she did.

And somewhere during those weeks, without me realizing it, she answered the question I had been quietly asking myself.

Yes.

I still love animals.

Apparently, I still love them very, very deeply.

Today was a hard day for her.

She was off, and once I started putting two and two together, our hospital was already closed. I made a few phone calls.

And my crew showed up for me.

Tonight, after spending so many years on the other side of these moments, I became the client.

My colleagues stepped in and treated me with a level of compassion I will never forget. They weren't just treating a patient. They knew her. They had been rooting for her too.

They wanted her to win just as badly as I did.

But tonight, we couldn't give her that ending.

I made the heartbreaking decision to humanely euthanize her.

I write this with tears in my eyes.

I spent weeks giving her medications, monitoring her food, watching her, worrying about her, loving her, and trying to give her the chance I felt she deserved.

And somehow, in those few short weeks, she gave me far more than I ever gave her.

She reminded me why I started doing this 21 years ago.

She reminded me that underneath the management responsibilities, difficult conversations, angry clients, impossible cases, policies, numbers, meetings, and everything else that veterinary medicine has become for me, that person is still here.

The girl who simply loves animals is still here.

Tonight, I'm also watching my children experience their first real heartbreak over losing a pet.

And that hurts in an entirely different way.

They're going to be okay. We all will be.

But right now, we're heartbroken.

I wish desperately that her story had ended differently. I wish loving her, treating her, and fighting for her had been enough to give us years instead of weeks.

It wasn't.

But those weeks weren't for nothing.

We tried.

My family tried.

My team tried.

She tried.

And when she needed us tonight, my veterinary family showed up.

I don't have words big enough for how grateful I am for them.

And I don't know that I'll ever be able to explain exactly what this little puppy did for me in such a short amount of time.

I thought I was bringing her home because she needed something from me.

It turns out I needed something from her too.

I needed to know that after 21 years, all the hard parts of veterinary medicine hadn't taken that piece of me away.

She answered that question.

Yes, I still love animals.

Deeply.

And tonight, my broken heart is proof.

A special thank you to DS, CS, and VK.
You three were absolutely amazing during my time of need. When I made the call, you showed up for me and for her, and I will never forget the compassion you gave us during an incredibly difficult night.

For those reading, I'm using initials because I didn't ask permission to share their names—but behind those initials are one amazing RVT and two incredible veterinarians who dropped everything and showed up when I needed them.

I have spent so many years talking about the importance of taking care of our veterinary teams. Tonight, mine took care of me. ❤️

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